Getting Better, More Slowly than Anticipated.
On November 13, 2019 my perception of my health, mortality and priorities changed and I decided to change.. While my efforts haven't failed, they have slowed.
On November 13, 2019 my perception of my health, mortality and priorities changed. In the span 5, 10, 20 minutes (time was an odd thing to track) I knew my life was different. And then in a 6 day hospital stay and near weekly medical tests and countless doctors appointments I've been required to reflect on things I hadn't previously.
Early on in this mental journey I made some decisions. Eat better, stop bad habits, live life more engaged. From this events and these reflections I created goals, made resolutions and slowly started to work on getting better. And I dove right in at first, in earnest and with great effort. I read, I studied, I prepped food and kept active journals. I stood up this site to make myself more engaged and accountable (and to practice things I tried to learn).
While these efforts haven't been derailed, they have slowed. They've slowed a lot.
It's not that these ideas have retreated from my idea of myself, it's not that I don't still spend time and energy each day working on the improvements I've outlined, it's not that I'm not still trying to figure things out; but, I've quietly, thoughtlessly return to the normalcy I lived prior to November 13, 2019. I didn't anticipate the great pull of just being Brian.
But it makes sense. What more does one want than to be themself. I'm reading about improving oneself. Defining a new self and enacting habits to become that self. But, I haven't finished the book. I haven't operationalized the ideas. I've just been being Brian more often than not. The established Brian. Not the Brian I now envision.
There are ways to be both, I think. I'll be exploring that this week on these pages.